I am a labor and delivery junkie. I love hearing other people's stories and experiences when it comes time to deliver their babies. There is so much beauty and realness in these stories, it is amazing. There's also normally two stories, the one you tell just anyone and the one you would only tell your closest friends. I've shared my story of Wyatt's birth with tons of people, but I have never publicly put his birth story out there. There are a lot of reasons behind that, mostly because I was scared of the things that other people would say if I was brutally honest about the events and emotions surrounding his birth. It is finally time, though. 364 days later, I am ready to share the story of one of the most challenging stages in my life and how it shaped me into the mom that I am today.
May 29, 2018 started like any other day had during my 9 long months of pregnancy. I rolled over, probably winced a little because I was so uncomfortable at this point and my hips were constantly in pain, and grabbed the bottle of zofran that was always by my bed. I had been dependent on anti-nausea meds, magnesium spray, and my trusty side-kick box of cheerios just to get me out of bed in the mornings. My mom and my sister were staying with us, waiting on Wyatt's arrival, and we planned to spend the day getting things done and ready and crossing our fingers that today was finally the day. My whole pregnancy had been a nightmare. Besides constantly being sick, I was in pain with my hip and my back all of the time. To top it all off I had been having Braxton Hicks contractions since I was 20 weeks and everyone had commented that there was no way I would make it until my due date. Once I hit 37 weeks, I tried every trick in the book. Now, I was one day away from my due date and I had given up all hope that Wyatt would come on his own. I was done, and when I say done, I was dead convinced that I never wanted to be pregnant again another day in my life because this had all been so horrible and I just wanted the nightmare to end. We tried to make casual jokes about it to lighten the mood or find things to keep us busy, but I was past the point of caring anymore and I was downright discouraged. When that night rolled around and I was still having my normal round of evening contractions I found myself getting angry, to the point of tears. I begged God to let this be it, please just make this end. I couldn't do it another day. After a walk around Target, in hopes of distracting myself and picking up a few last minute items, I started to time my contractions and noticed they were consistently 7-10 minutes apart. With a sight glimmer of hope, I called my Dr to see what she thought, but her response was anything but encouraging. "Well, you know your body better than anyone and you've done this once before. So, if you think they're real, come on in and see us! We will be happy to monitor you and see where we are at!" I felt so frustrated. No, I didn't know my body anymore. I felt like it had betrayed me for nine months. I had never gone in to labor on my own and I was emotionally and mentally exhausted. I felt that if I woke up the next morning and was not in labor I was going to lose it. So, I made the call. To ease my mind and maybe even help me calm down a bit we were going to go in. We packed our bags into the back of our Nissan at 11 o'clock at night and made the hour long drive up to Morehead City. I had been in labor and delivery there once before during my pregnancy. At 35 weeks I went into pre-term labor with Wyatt, and as much as I knew it was the best thing for us both, I didn't want them to stop my labor. But, they did, and we were sent home in the hopes that it wouldn't be much longer. Now, here we were at 39 weeks and 6 days checking back in to the labor and delivery unit, crossing fingers and toes that there would be some way that we could stay. We checked in, got hooked up to monitors, and waited...for twenty minutes... Then the night nurse came in and cheerfully announced that "everything looks great! The Dr will be in to discharge in just a few minutes," I felt my heart drop and tears well up in my eyes. I grabbed the nurses hand and begged her to keep me. The words that came out of my mouth were probably the most real words I had said to any nurse during my whole pregnancy, "Please, please don't send me home. If you send me home and I have to take medication one more day I don't know what I will do to myself." The nurse grabbed my hand and looked at me and for a minute I felt like she looked into my soul. She let go and told me she would be right back. Three minutes later the Dr came in and told me I was staying. "Your baby's heart rate started dropping with your contractions, and I am just not ok sending you home unless everything is perfect. So, would you like to have a baby today?" The water works opened and I felt so relieved. Yes! Yes, I would do anything to have a baby today and be done with all of this. At 5 AM they placed my first medication to begin my induction and for the first time in months I fell asleep and actually rested. The end was finally near. Today, we were going to have our baby. Today, I would feel normal again. Today was the day.
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Your time in postpartum recovery is crucial in getting your feet underneath you and creating a foundation for the next six weeks as you adjust to having a new baby and letting your body heal. One thing I have loved about postpartum recovery is that is has taught me so much about taking care of myself. Sure, having a new baby is super exciting, and a lot of the attention is on that cute new bean, but don't forget to give yourself some extra love too.
One of the best things I ever did for postpartum recovery, in the hospital, was fill my bag with brand new things. It made me feel fresh and clean and stylish, all while being comfy and distracted me from the fact that post-baby bloat and recovery can be messy and extremely unattractive. Plus, then your hospital bag is always ready to go! Here's my quick go-to guide for packing my hospital bag to help me have the best postpartum experience ever! 1. Sweat pants When I say sweat pants I am talking 3 of your favorite pairs of the most comfortable sweat pants you own. With my first it was my Adidas yoga pants and a cute black pair that I picked up at Kohls. With my second I snagged some lightweight floral belagio pants from Amazon and they were perfect. So soft, lightweight, and all dark colors so I never had to worry about stains. 2. Sport bras/Nursing bras Recovery encompasses every part of your body and if you are a new nursing mama making sure that you have comfortable bras is super important. I highly recommend picking up a few loose fitting sports bras and nursing bras with no underwire. Easy access and super soft and comfortable will help optimize your comfort and make late night feeding, those first few days, less of a hassle. 3. Makeup Yes, I am so serious. After having that baby make it a point to take a shower every single day, pull your hair up, and do your make-up. Those clean clothes will make you feel so much better and get you back up and running before you know it! 4. Robe I LOVED having my soft black robe for recovery. Most days my go-to outfit was sweats, a sports bra, and my robe. Made nursing so much easier and helped me to stay cool. plus, they could take my blood pressure over the sleeves which made getting my vitals done, in the middle of the night, so much easier. 5. Towels from home Hospital towels are super gross if you think about it. Plus, they are tiny! Bring your own towels from home (including a hand towel and face cloth) or pick some up just for your hospital bag, but plan to throw them out before leaving the hospital, there's no point bringing hospital germs home on your towels. Target has amazing towels at a great price that cover the whole body, are soft, but don't cost so much you'll cringe leaving them behind. 6. Hair Dryer Believe it or not a lot of hospitals do not provide hair dryers in their bathrooms. If you normally blow dry your hair, or find that your room is chilly, bringing a blow dryer will help to keep your luscious locks in check. 7. Snacks Just like during labor and delivery, having snacks on hand is never a mistake. It will help you from sending your husband out on snack runs and save you money! When nursing that new baby three meals a day will probably not cut it, and you will find yourself hungry more often than not. 8. Boppy Pillow I actually never used my Boppy any other time than in the hospital. Your first few days of recovery is hard and you're sore, so having that extra support as you figure out breast feeding is super awesome! It's also great to use as a back support when just sitting in bed. 9. Seamless underwear In the hospital you'll be provided with mesh underwear, which is actually incredibly comfortable, but when you are getting ready to leave having something super soft, comfortable, and big enough to hold those hospital grade pads is a great idea. I, personally, loved the Hanes Her Way seamless briefs. So soft and worked under anything I wanted to wear plus they helped me feel extra secure! 10. Dermoplast Once you have a baby you'll experience all kinds of aches, pains, and even itching in places you didn't know was possible. Many hospitals will supply Tucks pads, and I have heard these are awesome, but nothing beats a can of Dermoplast. A numbing and anti-itch spray that is so soothing and cooling, it's magic! Plus, it's not expensive and is easy to fit in your purse for those post-partum outings. 11. Re-useable nursing pads Believe it or not, most hospitals do not provide nursing pads to you and while you may not end up needing them the first day or too, once your milk comes in, you will! I prefer re-useable bamboo nursing pads over disposables. Disposables are great to keep on hand for those moments when laundry just hasn't been done or on the off chance that you or baby has thrush or mastitis. Re-useable is so much softer and more comfortable than bulky disposables and don't have additives or chemicals in them. 12. Angel Baby Nipple Cream I hate using Lanilosh, I think it smells funny and the texture just grosses me out. I wanted something that was totally safe for baby too, so I picked up a jar of the Angel Baby nipple cream on amazon and it is amazing! All natural and it smells like cocoa butter! Totally safe to leave on all of the time and it lasts forever! 13. A book Between visitors and nurses coming in and out there's quite a bit of down time, and I found reading while I was nursing helped to pass the time and became something I really enjoyed doing. I picked something I didn't have to think too hard about while reading and I would read out loud to my babies while they ate. Hearing my voice helped to sooth them and made the time pass faster. In the beginning stages of nursing babies can nurse for up to an hour at a time, and this helps build your supply so it's really important, but getting bored is going to happen. Rather than playing on your phone do something that will help you have a deeper bond with baby. 14. A guest book This was one of the most special things I brought with us. Every Nurse, Dr, and visitor who walked through the door of my Labor and Deliver or postpartum room signed it, and now I get to remember all the amazing people who played part in some of the most magical days of my life. It's something I will treasure forever. There really is no right or wrong way to pack your hospital bag, and my guide is certainly not the end-all-be-all of hospital packing guides, but it was these personal and thought out touches that made my experience a thousand times better! Dear Mama,
I see you. I see your Instagram and Facebook posts. I see how happy you are living your life the way the way you have built it to be, and you know what, I love seeing that. I love that you are creating a beautiful life for yourself and for your littles. I love that you are finding joy in being a mama and in many cases a wife, as well. But there's something else I see too. Those posts of your super cute babe loving life, playing at the park, eating dinner, cuddling with you. You write this amazing, sweet post about how much you love your baby, and then you justify what you are doing. You're afraid that other moms will look at your pictures and judge you for the parenting choices you have made. Mama, it's time to stop. Society is cruel to mamas, new and old. It constantly tells us one thing and contradicts it with another. On social media parents are either one extreme or another, and there are constant posts that bombard us making us feel like bad moms who make the wrong choices. I want to encourage you, there is no right way or wrong way to be a mom (obviously there are extreme exceptions to that statement, but I think you know what I mean), and you are an AMAZING mom. If you are a mama who co-sleeps or has their baby in their own crib, you are amazing! If you are a mama who breastfeeds or formula feeds, you are amazing! If you are a mama who started with purees or solids, you are amazing! If your three year old is rear-facing or forward-facing, you are amazing! If you let your baby have juice when they turned one or only let them have water, you are amazing! If you have one baby, and that's the only baby you want to have, you are amazing! If you have multiple kids and want more, you are amazing! If you work outside of the home, or work from home, or run your own business, you are amazing! I want to challenge you. For the rest of January post pictures, talk about the amazing, beautiful life you are building, but stop trying to justify to people why you're doing what you're doing. Your parenting choices may not be someone else's, so what, you make yours and they can make theirs. Let's do better at supporting one another and becoming a community of moms who encourages and cheers one another on rather than shaming or making one another feel like we have to justify everything that we do. You are amazing, and you are doing a great job, do not let anyone tell you otherwise. I have told myself numerous times, over the last two years, that I would put together a blog that would have my personal hospital packing list in it, and I still have yet to do so. So, when I was writing down all my ideas for January and decided I wanted to do a whole series of blogs on pregnancy, labor and delivery, and postpartum care, I knew the first post needed to be my hospital list. I am breaking it up into 2 blog posts, since some items need a little explaining and I didn't want to just post a boring list. So part 1 will be what I pack for labor and delivery and part 2 will be for recovery while in the hospital! So, without further adieu...the Caffeinated Boy Mom's guide to hospital bags.
Labor and Delivery is my jam, when it comes to being pregnant and having babies. It's seriously, my favorite part, awful contractions and all. After having two babies I would say I at least have a grasp on what is coming to the hospital with us. Sure, I follow a basic list of necessities, but there are a few things that after having my first I wanted to be sure to add. Having those extras made a world-of-a-difference when my second babe was born. I'm not saying my list is one size fits all, but it works for me and helps to bring a little extra pampering and cushion to the overall experience. 1. Sports bras - laboring in hospital gowns is awful, but buying your own is unrealistic. Labor is messy, so I found it was so easy and comfortable to bring sports bras to wear under my gown so I did not have to feel confined to my uncomfortable hospital or so that when baby was born and they wanted to do skin to skin, I could just take the gown off and not have to worry. 2. Slippers - hospital socks are awful, and kinda gross if you think about the fact that other people have worn them. Bringing slippers keeps your feet cool while laboring but protects them from gross hospital floors while walking or going to and from the bathroom. 3. Snacks - yes, seriously. One of the two things will happen, you will either be starving during labor and need to sneak a snack, or once your baby is born food delivery may take a while, but time waits for no hungry new mama. Do yourself the favor, pack snacks. Dad will thank you too. 4. Your own pillows and blanket - hospital pillows and blankets are super clean and actually smell good, but there's nothing like bringing your own. Don't worry, they are easy to move out of the way when the messy part comes. 5. Electronics chargers - phone, computer, camera, ect. 6. Stuff to do - labor is actually super boring, and as much as they tell you to sleep that may not always happen. Bringing a computer, a book, or even a puzzle will help pass the time. Also, if you're like me, find a friend who can come keep you company too so Dad doesn't feel trapped or nervous to leave you alone. It helps to have people to talk to. 7. Diffuser - Some hospitals won't allow you to diffuse essential oils in the rooms, but mine did. My top 5 labor and delivery oils are Frankincense, Peppermint, Panaway, Stress Away, and Purification. Not only do they all smell amazing, they can really help manage some of the rough parts of labor. 8. Rice bag - Rice bags are AWESOME when you're in labor and they can serve three different purposes. Heat them up to help relax during back labor or roll it up in a ball to lean against for the perfect amount of pressure on your back. Throw it in the freezer when you're at 8cm and use it behind your neck while pushing, it's amazing! 9. Camera - Even if you have a photographer lined up, make sure you bring something to take pictures with. Not every labor goes by the book, and on the off chance that yours goes quickly you want to be sure you can capture those special moments! 10. Toiletries - While I was in labor I made sure to make myself a priority. I brushed my teeth, washed my face, straightened my hair and pulled it back, and even did my make-up (I refused to have gross newborn pictures again) It helped me to feel so much better and I do not dread looking at my labor and delivery pictures. Bring lotion to keep your skin hydrated or maybe even convince someone (a-hem Dad) to give you a foot massage. The more pampered you feel, the more relaxed you will be, and the more fun the experience can become! 11. Stuff for Dad - Do not forget that Dad needs stuff too. Most hospitals will provide a pull out bed or couch for him to chill on, but bringing blankets and pillows from home, along with his own hospital bag with comfy clothes and charges will help him feel at ease too. (Stay tuned for an interview piece I did with my husband about everything Dad needs to have and know about L&D!) 12. Patience - This isn't something you pack in your bag, but it is something you can bring with you into the delivery room. Labor is hard, really hard, and it can be long and boring. Getting anxious will only prolong the process. Be patient, relax, allow your nurses to spoil you. When they ask if they can get you anything, let them do it! They really want to! Enjoy! I promise everything leading up to baby's arrival is something you will never want to forget. 2018 was an incredibly challenging year for me, as a mom and a wife. I learned so much more about myself than I ever thought I could. Some things I was glad about, other things tore me apart and I had to learn how to navigate and embrace those things. I had to learn how to be perfectly and completely who I was, the good, the bad, and the ugly. The hardest mom moment I had last year was when I was diagnosed with post-partum depression. Before that day I knew it existed, I knew mamas who struggled with it, but I never thought it would be my name with that label next to it. I put off getting diagnosed for the first 3 months of my youngest child's life. I was in total denial about it, but I knew something was wrong because I felt like I had become a monster. I was so angry all the time, I felt no love for the amazing second child I was blessed with, I was broken and falling apart. I sat in my kid's pediatricians office and cried one day and poured my heart out to a Dr. who saw my struggles and suddenly I realized that I needed to stop trying to be invincible. No mom is, and if you think you know one, have coffee with her because I promise you anyone's life can look perfect on instagram. It was in that moment that I decided to make some major changes. In a matter of a few weeks I stepped back from everything and threw myself into getting better. I closed down my cake business and focused solely on Posh. I stopped making plans and embraced slow, lazy mornings in PJ's playing on the living room floor with my kids. I stopped worrying about getting my list of chores done every day and started focusing on doing what I could and finding joy in that. I got plugged in at my church and surrounded myself with godly women who had been through the same things I had, all the while cutting off the toxic relationships I had allowed myself to be in. I prioritized my relationship with my husband and most importantly with God. I made big changes, and you know what, they worked. It is January 2, 2019 and I am 7 months and 2 days post-partum after having my second baby. Over the last 3 months, the final 3 of 2018, I have learned so much about myself, and please believe me when I say they were 3 of the hardest months of my life. 2018 taught me that I am not strong, I am incredibly weak, but I have people and resources around me that can strengthen me. 2018 taught me that dependance on myself is my greatest weakness and that I am nothing without Jesus and His "overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love." (to quote a song that I embraced fully over those 3 months) 2018 taught me the importance of having Dr's who don't just care about my health, but care about me as a person, and who want to be on my wellness journey with me. 2018 taught me to hold my kids a little closer and to love them a little longer every day, even on the days when I may yell and get angry and maybe even break down crying in their closet. (Yep, that was how my New Year's Day went) 2018 taught me that my greatest strength is weakness. I am looking at the whole new year ahead of me, I am excited for what it holds, the planned and the un-planned. This year, my goal as a mom is to constantly learn. I want my children to teach me, I want my friends to teach me, and most importantly I want Jesus to teach me. I want to strive to be well, and embrace my weakness. I am so ready to embrace this new year, and I hope that you are too. Do not give up, mama, life does not end when you are overwhelmed, it continues and that is when it teaches you the most. As a boy mom, one thing I constantly hear is how there are no "cute" boy clothes. I, however, beg to differ. I have found some amazing clothes for my boys that are stylish and affordable. Here are my top 5 shopping spots for my two little rascals.
1. Target Target is my go to for boy's shorts and T-shirts. With the pricing less than $10 I am constantly grabbing new outfits for my toddler. The pants are incredibly sturdy and hold up to even the roughest of play days in the dirt and the shirts still look brand new even after an infinite number of washes! Plus, sometimes you can even find additional discounts for them on the Cartwheel App, which in my opinion is a mom win. 2. Walmart There are very few things, clothing wise, that I like at Walmart, but last year when they started carrying the Wrangler brand for little boys I scored on the best jeans I have ever bought for my boys. Stretchy, which is perfect for movement and play time, and the sizing is spot on. Also, if you have long legged kiddos, this brand suits them perfectly! My other favorite thing to pick up from Walmart is their two-piece PJ sets. Super cheap, pretty cute, and not too thick so they are perfect for the summertime. 3. Elle + Grae (This ones for Mom too!!) Elle + Grae is a local home-based t-shirt shop that is my newest shopping addiction. Who doesn't' want to buy the cutest, most comfortable custom shirts ever! I won't lie, I order more for myself from her than for my kids. Perfect for grabbing something unique or for the holidays, this shop is my go-to for all things cute and custom! Plus, her work holds up amazingly against daily wear and tear and constant washing! All my shirts still look brand new! 4. JDubs JDubs is a new find, for me. It is an adorable little boy's boutique base don instagram and their selection is fabulous and so super cute!! With sizes from newborn to 3 and 4T there is a lot to chose from and the pricing is incredible! Super high quality fabrics that will last through any day in the dirt 5. Stork Feather I discovered Stork Feather when I was pregnant with Wyatt and oh my goodness is their stuff cute! I am obsessed with jogger pants and hoodies, on my boys, and their custom made ones are to die for. High quality, plus great pricing, and their durability is enough to keep me shopping there for my babies until they're grown! When it comes to finding something unique for your little boy, this is the place to go! Besides clothes they also sell custom minky blankets and pacifier clips that are too cute to resist. Shopping for boys does not have to be boring or expensive. Finding and buying cute, quality clothing for our littles is always a win. I hope you enjoy some of these shopping finds as much as I have. Happy shopping, Mama! I cried on my bathroom floor for an hour tonight...
Now that's probably not at all what you expected to read when you clicked the link to my blog. You were probably hoping to read some beautiful, fun, flowing blog post about how being a boy mom is just the greatest thing ever and how I love it so much and my boys are my whole world. Truth is, today was not one of those beautiful, fun, flowing days. Instead it was frustrating and ugly and tonight was full of tears all around. This morning started off pretty well, and I was optimistic that it could, in fact, be an easy day. In the midst of the chaos of adjusting to life with a toddler, a newborn, and 2 businesses I live for those good days. I went and did something for myself and got my hair done this morning and I will tell you what nothing brings life into a woman quite like getting her hair cared for. I walked out of that salon feeling sexy and energetic and even decided that the boys and I would pack up and head out to watch some of Daddy's softball tournament. When I got home my husband announced that the boys had been great, and despite the fact that my house, which was clean at bedtime last night, was now strewn with toys and dirty laundry, the giggles and joy that came from both my boys made my heart sing, it was going to be a great day. So, we packed up and headed to softball and all was well until after about 3 hours at the fields. As my boys started to melt down I packed up and headed home hoping that naps would resolve all the problems. When my boys woke up nothing was good enough. No amount of snacks or dinner could satisfy. Not a bottle or any episode of VeggieTales or Sydney Sailboat was entertaining enough and after fighting them both for 3 hours I broke down. I put my son in his crib, swaddled my newborn and held him while I sobbed on the bathroom floor. I was falling apart. In that moment I was the worst Mom in the whole world. I couldn't fix what was wrong, nothing was good enough and I felt so helpless. It is now 11:36 PM and my oldest has been sleeping for an hour, my newborn for 10 minutes and the quiet has never been so sweet. Sometimes we need those moments as moms, though. We need to just break down and cry and we need to be told that it is ok to do that. We need to leave the crying baby in his bassinet, walk our exhausted selves downstairs and eat that second cupcake. We need to take advantage of the first moment of silence and peace that fills our homes for the first time in hours and run the hot water, throw a bath bomb into that tub and relax. We need to remember that it will be ok, after all, "Mama said there'd be days like this," didn't she? So, if you've had a day like me, take heart, feel encouraged, and take a deep breath, Mama. It will be ok. The silver lining is that is is now 11:40 PM, both kids seem to be settled in for the night. The day is done and tomorrow will be fresh and new. My earlier text to my husband that I didn’t want to even go to church tomorrow morning I was feeling so rotten is now discarded and forgotten and I am looking forward to spending my day with church family worshiping my Savior. Don’t give up, Mama, keep going. You are stronger because of the hard days, and they make the easy days even more wonderful. Remember, no matter what happens, you are enough, you are amazing, and it is ok to cry. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
May 2019
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